


underside is lighter

by chromhoesomes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Coming Out, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, POV Multiple, kind of an AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chromhoesomes/pseuds/chromhoesomes
Summary: Dirk drank more of his coffee, gesturing at Dave with his head. “You said John told you about Roxy? You were at his place yesterday, right? How did the coming out go? You said you were finally gonna do it.”“God, it wasterrible.”"Aww," said Roxy.“So, what I’m getting here is—” said Dirk, before finally eating the tomato at the end of his fork. He’d been looking at it from every angle for at least five minutes. Roxy looked very confused and made a face at Rose that saidwhat the hell is up with him and tomatoes todayRose shrugged.Dirk was very weird about food, but so was Roxy for that matter. “Youstillhaven’t told John.”“No,” Dave groaned, picking at the bagel on his plate.





	underside is lighter

**Author's Note:**

> .....this was supposed to be 3000 words at most.
> 
> timeline wise- lets just say the meteor trip took longer, they are 21, they've been in earth c for like 2-3 months and rose and kan have been married for 2 weeks. sorry its kinda weird, i havent read homestuck in so long lol
> 
> also if there are any grammar errors or phrases that dont make any sense pls tell me english isnt my first language (but like...dont be weird)
> 
> title from everything stays sfjhgjdk
> 
> anyway hope you'll like it!

“So, what do you wanna do tonight man?” John was getting bored of listening to the game's soundtrack. He and Dave had just started it and while the game was fun, the song had started getting on him after they had stopped talking. They were in John's living room, even with all the windows open the room was sweltering, and the glare of the sun was really getting into his eyes. Damn, he was super jealous of Dave right now.

“Oh, uh, sorry dude, but I kinda have plans with Karkat tonight,” Dave said, he was sitting on the world’s ugliest green couch -John _loved_ that couch- face looking kind of stiff. Normally he’d slouch a little or lean back and put his feet up on the coffee table, yeah John has a coffee table in front of his couch, he’s an _adult_ now, but right now he was sitting ram rod straight. “I’m gonna have to leave early.”

He was at John’s house for the first time in two weeks, John had been trying to hang out with him for more than an hour almost a month now but he always too busy, well either him or John. His voice was almost the usual monotone, though he didn't really speak in a monotone these days but it seemed like he'd fall back into old habit when he was with John lately, but had just enough inflection to it that John could tell he was uncomfortable. Dave was uncomfortable around him a lot these days, like he had something he really wanted to tell John, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. John had no idea what it was, but it was getting pretty tiring. Looking at John out of the corner of his eye for a second, Dave turned back to the game they were playing. Okay, so his best friend was busy today. That was totally okay!

“That’s fine, Dave! We can do stuff another day,” John was cool with this! So, what if it looked like Dave was too busy hanging out with Karkat to spend time with him, he was still Dave’s best friend. Shit- that had sounded kinda jealous hadn’t it? Okay! Whatever, he _could_ be jealous. “Uh, so, are you guys doing anything tomorrow?”

He was trying to sound normal, you know, like he didn’t care either way. He totally wouldn’t mind if Dave was busy again tomorrow. Whatever. He focused back on the game, he was definitely kicking Dave’s ass!

“Idk, man. We’ll probably watch some movies,” his voice got higher towards the end like he wasn’t sure himself. He was looking more and more stiff, his knuckles were white where they were holding the controller, John almost thought he would break it, and he still hadn’t turned his head to look at John.

“Did you just say i-d-k out loud,” John said laughing, Dave finally looked at him with a small grin when he did. It was really hard to see his eyes or figure out what he was thinking because the sunglasses covered half of his face. Also, because Dave was Dave.

“I guess.”

“God you’re a nerd,” John rolled his eyes. “Also, what, you two just watch movies all day?”

 Well, that sounded pretty boring, especially knowing Karkat’s taste in movies. Hah, he really couldn’t imagine Dave actually watching romcoms!

“Uh,” said Dave, his voice tight again and pressing his lips together. Um, okay, he was getting mad? “I mean, yeah, most of the time.”

“Right.” Well what could John even say after that? Dave sounded somewhat uncomfortable and…annoyed, maybe? John had no idea what he was doing wrong, and everything had been going pretty good too! Dave had arrived on time, which, duh? Knight of time? And they had eaten some pizza and talked about their lives. Dave had talked a lot about Karkat. Like, _a lot_. And that was fine! Yeah! Completely fine! They were bros, of course Dave was going to talk about him! And they were living together too, so it made sense that Dave would mention him a lot. Right. They were living together. That sure was great. It really was, and he was definitely alright with it. Okay…so, what if he was a little upset that his best bro was living with Karkat? Karkat and Dave had only been friends for what, five or six years? Him and Dave had been best bros for much longer than that! So why was Dave living with Karkat and not him? So yeah. Dave had talked about Karkat mostly and Dirk and Terezi a little and he’d mentioned that he was making some music too, and John had told him about hanging out with Jade and Roxy. “That, uh, sounds fun.”

“Yeah,” Dave rubbed the back of his neck and looked at John again. “You wanna join us?” he said slowly, biting his lips. He turned back towards the TV and reached across the table to get some chips. “I mean you don’t have to if you d- “

“Sure!” said John before Dave could even finish and Dave turned to him so fast John was afraid he’d hurt his neck. “I mean,” he stammered. “yeah dude, that’s okay with me.”

“Alright,” he nodded a few times. “Cool. So, I guess I’ll see you at like, seven?”

“Sure, seven’s good!”

Dave was…fidgeting again. Well, as much as Dave Strider could fidget. He would realize his leg moving halfway through the motion and stop it, even though it was obvious John had already noticed it, and then look at John out of the corner of his eye to see how he’d react to what he was doing. Even John had started to fidget because the silence that fell after that was so full of tension you could easily cut it with a knife. Seriously, what was even going on with Dave these days? Whenever he talked about Karkat he would start acting really weirdly.

John, tired of focusing this much on Dave, gave his attention back to the game right before he died.

“Oh, come on!” he yelled, but he was smiling as Dave finally laughed.

“Egbert, you suck at this game,” Dave said. He wasn’t mean about it though, so John didn’t really mind.

“Um, excuse me, but I was the one who was kicking your ass until now!”

“Pfft, yeah right, I was just distracted because you kept talking asshole.” John laughed and looked at Dave again. Dave was still smiling! Finally, he had leaned back on the couch and stopped squeezing the life out of the controller. Somehow, he had taken the bag of Doritos from the table and put on the couch between them and John hadn’t even noticed.

“Ugh Dave, you’re such a liar!”

“Don’t be such a sore loser bro,” god, Dave was such a smug asshole with that annoying smirk. John glared at him and Dave’s expression turned into a shit-eating grin, like he knew exactly what John was thinking. He probably did, the asshole.

“Whatever man,” laughing, John took some Doritos from the bag and leaned on his legs before restarting the game. “Oh, dude, did you talk to Rose lately?”

“Man are you kidding? Do you think I’m gonna talk to my sister in the middle of her honeymoon? Do you John? Can you imagine if I texted her like ‘sup rose hows the honeymoon going’ and she was like ‘What’s up is that I’m too busy fucking my wife at the moment to talk to you Dave, perhaps we should talk at a later time.’ I don’t wanna know shit like that about my sister John, I don’t wanna know when Rose and Kanaya fuck. I don’t even wanna think of those three words together.” Dave did a theatrical shudder and opened his mouth again.

“Alright, alright, I get it!” John interrupted him, waving one hand at Dave’s general direction, because it was always the best to stop Dave before he could continue with the word vomit. “But seriously, you guys haven’t talked once?”

“I mean, yeah, we talked once. I definitely wasn’t the one who called though. They were having a lot of fun, just swimming and traveling or whatever. Rose wouldn’t stop talking about how beautiful Kanaya was and how happy she was and how she still couldn’t believe she was married to someone as amazing as Kanaya.” He cupped his hands together, talking with a high voice that actually kinda sounded like Rose. John started snickering. “At the same time Kanaya was talking to Karkat about Rose like ‘Oh Karkat I Just Can’t Believe How Happy I Am And How Much I Love Rose And How Much She Loves Me Back. This Human Marriage Is Actually More Fun And Loving Than It Seemed In All Those Movies You And I Watched For Research. Also, Do You And Dave Want Any Souvenirs From Where We Are I Would Love To Buy Some For You’. Shit was disgustingly cute. Why’d you ask?”

“Uh,” John could feel Dave looking at him but this time he was the one who refused to take his eyes off the game. “I think Roxy was wondering when Rose would return, dunno.”

“Right,” John could hear the way Dave was grinning at him. “Roxy. You guys were looking pretty close when I last saw you both.”

Was it getting hotter in this room or was it just John? Yeah, it was just him.

“Oh my god John, what’s with that face?” He asked and gave a theatrical gasp. “John. Did you fuck my mom, John?”

John’s leg jumped with the shock of hearing something like that from his best friend, he hit his elbow with his knee and accidentally threw his controller, then flinched at the loud crashing noise, that thing was _so_ broken. Dave, looking at John and the controller that fell to the other side of the room with obvious disbelief, covered his face with one hand and started laughing. A second thud followed the laughter, this one much quieter because this controller wasn’t chucked across a room.

Coughing after choking on his spit and with a completely red face, John yelled, “Holy shit, Dave!”

Dave was laughing harder than John had ever seen, so hard that he was shaking, actually bent in half and he sounded like a dying seal. Face still red, John kept glaring at him and crossed his arms. Dave, who had finally stopped laughing took one look at him and started laughing again, this time falling back on the couch and lying down.

“Oh man, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this hard, holy shit,” Dave’s dark face was red from laughing so much. John hoped he would choke on his spit and die, it would totally be Just.

“Anyway!” he yelled, trying to change the subject. “Roxy and I are just friends dude,”

Dave sat up again and raised his eyebrows, “No, it’s true!” John said. “I thought we might have been more at some point but uh, she’s actually dating Jane and Calliope now.”

“What?” said Dave, his mouth hanging open. Then, he started laughing again. He sure was laughing a lot today. “Oh my god! Dude I can’t believe this, this is like the best shit I’ve ever heard. Roxy has two girlfriends? You go, mom.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great,” John said grudgingly. He was happy for Roxy of course, but he’d actually liked her a lot and he had thought maybe she was into him too, not that it was her fault that he’d thought that, he didn’t blame her for anything he was just. A little sad. Also, being the only single person in their friend group really sucked. Rose and Kanaya, Terezi and Vriska, Dirk and Jake and whatever the hell that was going on with them, and now Roxy, Jane, and Callie… Even Jade was dating Davepetasprite… Oh! Dave and Karkat! John laughed at himself, those two were always together that he’d forgotten they were single too. “She was really happy the last time I saw her. Like she’s happy most of the time but she was basically glowing.”

“Aw, that shit’s adorable man what the fuck.”

“Oh no,” John felt the blood on his leave “ Wait. Did I just out her! Shit, shit, s- “

“Whoa!” Dave said, both hands raised and frowning. “You didn’t out her dude, I know she’s bi.”

“Oh, thank god,” John took a deep breath, his heart was still racing. “That was horrifying.”

“Yeah, maybe think before saying that shit to other people though, I mean Roxy is actually out to everybody but y’know, just to be safe.”

John nodded. “Yeah, man, you’re right.”

“But holy shit.” Dave said and laughed again. How did he have any breath left to laugh, John had no idea. “No one in my family is straight dude, it’s crazy.”

“Uh,” eyes wide John looked at Dave, he was suddenly sitting still and looking everywhere but John. “You mean y- “

“Oh, well, look at the time! I’m just gonna go man, ya know since you’re coming to our place tonight? Gotta go tell Karkat you’re coming and y’know, make something to eat and like clean up around the house a little. Karkat is actually a really fucking clean dude but you know me, I’m messy, it drives him crazy sometimes,” he gave a strained little laugh and stood up.“but yeah anyway man gotta go, it’s like 3, right? What the hell am I saying of course I know what the fuck the time it is. Anyway, bro see you in 5 hours.”

“Dave-“ right. He was gone already. “But I thought I was coming tomorrow?” well, that had sucked. There was no way Dave had meant it the way John thought though, like no way.

Still, he decided to wait at least half an hour before pestering Dave, you know, to give some time to get home and calm down a little.

ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead

EB: hey dave!  
EB: so i know you said you’d see me in 5 hours when you left but i thought we said i’d come to your place tomorrow?  
EB: dave?  
TG: oh hey man  
TG: shit i said that didnt i  
TG: idk dude you can come tonight if you want  
EB: but, i thought you and karkat were busy tonight?  
TG: tru  
TG: ill see you tomorrow then  
EB: um…dave, speaking of karkat  
TG: haha what about my man karkat  
EB: you  
EB: you uh.. said something? Before you basically ran out  
EB: about, you know, not having any straight people in your family?  
TG: im gonna have to stop you right there buddy theres nothing to speak of about karkat relating this topic at the moment  
TG: like you realize my family consists of rose roxy and dirk  
TG: who are literally the gayest people ever  
EB: right…  
TG: no dude im serious nothing here to talk about rn  
TG: me and karkat are bros  
TG: like two bros chillin in hot tub five feet apart cuz were not gay  
EB: what?  
TG: well thats a lie actually karkats gay  
TG: bi  
TG: haha do we even know any straight people  
EB: …  
TG: oh right dude theres you  
EB: …  
TG: and me  
TG: obviously  
TG: haha  
EB: um. right.  
TG: anyway dude check this out  
TG: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRHhyocsbv8>  
EB: haha omg dave that’s gross! that noise at the end!  
TG: ik right  
TG: oh btw apparently rose came back like  
TG: yesterday or the day before idk  
EB: oh really? are you guys doing the brunch tomorrow then?  
TG: yeah  
EB: ugh i keep saying we should do something like that but no one listens to me.  
TG: hahaha are you jealous of strilondes and our great family ties egbert  
EB: shut up dave, the egharengcrocks are as close as you guys are!  
TG: egharengcrocks djfhgjdfgkl  
EB: crockerbertharlishes?  
TG: djfhbgjhdfgkk  
TG: why do you guys even have four different last names  
EB: ugh i know it’s so annoying.  
EB: we can’t come up with something that sticks.  
TG: jfhgnjhfbd rip  
EB: :(  
TG: anyway dude gotta go  
EB: ok, bye dave!  
TG: bye man

Okay so, John still had no idea what was going on with Dave, but he seemed normal now. Whatever was happening would probably be over soon. Hopefully.

* * *

Rose had been in the middle of talking about what a great time she had at her honeymoon to Roxy and Dirk when Dave finally came in, “Oh, hello Dave, so nice of you to join us at last.”

It was the Bi Monthly Strilonde Brunch, as they had started to call it, and they were sitting in their usual table, at their usual restaurant downtown. The whole thing was Roxy’s idea and at first Rose had been a little skeptical, spending time with all her  _realtives_ at the same hadn't really sounded like the best idea, but as time went on it had become one of her favorite activities, besides spending time with her wife, of course. _Her wife._ Rose still had no idea what she had done to deserve someone as lovely as Kanaya, but well, she had her. Their honeymoon had been incredible. It had been a dreamlike two weeks at a wonderful beach house -Rose had managed to convince Kanaya to swim a little, and even though her wife had been terrified at first, she had started to enjoy it after a while- and the surrounding little town. It was good to be back too, even though she wouldn’t admit it they had both missed their friends towards the end of their vacation.

She couldn’t see Dave’s eyes under the shades, but she knew he was rolling his eyes at her. “Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

“Hi, Davey!” Roxy said, rattling the table as she jumped out of her chair and threw herself at Dave. Rose winced, her body still hurt after the enthusiastic hug Roxy had given her. After being freed from Roxy, Dave gave Dirk an awkward hug. Even after all this time he was still somewhat nervous when it came to physical contact with Dirk. Seeing they were separating, Rose got up as well with a sigh. Dave gave her a grin before hugging her hard enough to make it a little harder to breathe. He smelled like apples -which wasn’t a surprise, but it was an amazing upgrade since the meteor- and the warm hug always managed the soothe her nerves. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks.”

Dave sat down next to Roxy, immediately asking for coffee from their human-troll hybrid waiter and took some waffles from the plate in the middle of the table.

“’sup guys.”

Dirk looked closely at a tomato and ate it, “Rose was telling us about her honeymoon,”

“Yes, it was quite enjoyable.”

Roxy snorted and waggled her eyebrows, “I bet.”

It took Rose everything not to react except giving a little smirk. It was nice, spending two weeks alone with her wife, and definitely in the way Roxy meant. Dave choked on his coffee, which had arrived a literal 5 seconds ago. Dirk kept eating a bagel. He reached over and gave Dave a paper towel. Dave nodded gratefully and cleared his throat.

Acting like she suddenly had problems hearing, Rose turned to Dirk, "And what about you Dirk, how are you doing?”

“Fine. I’m just fixing up some of the stuff people asked me to, talking to Jane and Jake, nothing new.”

“And, how are things with Jake?”

Dirk, cheeks a little redder, looked down at his plate. Dave and Roxy shared a glance, they both had identical grins on their faces. Those two were scarily similar, sometimes it scared Rose. She was sure it scared Dirk too.

“Better. I guess.”   

The waiter, ignoring Roxy and Dave’s whispering and giggling, refilled the coffee. Dirk nodded his thanks at him, both for the coffee and for giving him the excuse of acting like Roxy and Dave didn’t exist.

“Well, I for one,” Rose looked passively at her brother and mother/daughter, trying to get them to stop laughing and act like the adults they most certainly were not. Dave cleared his throat, Roxy snorted, “am glad the two of you have started talking again. Things have been much less tense.”

Dirk rubbed the back of his neck and gave a strained laugh, “Right.”

“Wait,” Dave pulled down his shades to narrow his eyes at Roxy. “Speaking of relationships, I hear you have a thing you need to tell us.”

“Uh,” said Dirk, putting down his coffee. “Are you talking about Jane and Callie?”

“What, you knew? Both of you?”

Both Rose and Dirk looked at Roxy, who was giggling, and Dave, who was pressing one of his hands above his heart like it was broken, and then each other.

“I can’t believe this,” said Dave, with a hand on his forehead and tipping his head back. He looked every inch of the man who had been greatly wronged. “Betrayed. Betrayed by my own flesh and blood.”

“Are we flesh and blood?” Rose whispered at Dirk. He just shrugged at Rose and took a bite of his toast.

“I’m not an ectobiologist dude.”

“You told them but not me? How could you Roxy. How could you betray me like this. Do I mean so little to you that I had to learn that you have two girlfriends from John. _Two_. _Two girlfriends_. _From John._ Also, congratulations that’s the coolest fucking thing ever. Oh, and you have an alien girlfriend too, that’s like double awesome. We’re all alien fuckers. Except Dirk I guess." he paused. "Hey Dirk, are you into aliens?”

“Uh,” Dirk said, “why not bro.”

“Cool.”

He and Dave fist bumped.

“I’m sorry Dave. I was planning to tell all of you at brunch but then Dirk found out because he saw us on a date.” Roxy said, face pink from giggling. “And then I accidentally told Rose when we were talking on the phone right before she came back from her honeymoon. By then it was too late, and I thought I’d just tell you here.”

“I see. So, I’m the redheaded stepchild here, huh. Mom, why did you never tell me, I thought we had something here, but turns out you guys bought me from a shitty orphanage. What the fuck? I learn everything last. I hate this fucking family,” Rose snorted, very elegantly. Roxy was red, and her face was spasming. Dirk looked very stoic.

“Roxy are you dying," said Dave, trying to keep his voice even. "What’s happening to your face?” try as he might, he couldn't stop his voice from cracking at the end and they all started laughing.

“I really am sorry Davey.”

Dave waved a hand and made a face. “Yeah, it’s cool, you know I’m just joking.”

“But! Know that you all know, can I just say, I’m so happy! I love them both so much I want to cry sometimes.”

Roxy sighed, she had a brilliant smile on her face. She was basically glowing, Rose felt like she needed sunglasses and _she_ was the light player who was dating someone who could actually glow.

“Aww,”

Dirk drank more of his coffee, gesturing at Dave with his head. “Hey, did you say John told you about Roxy? You were at his place yesterday, right? How did the coming out go? You said you were finally gonna do it.”

“God, it was _terrible_.”

"Aww," said Roxy.

“So, what I’m getting here is—” said Dirk, before finally eating the tomato at the end of his fork. He’d been looking at it from every angle for at least five minutes. Roxy looked very confused and made a face at Rose that said _what the hell is up with him and tomatoes today,_ Rose shrugged _._ Dirk was very weird about food, but so was Roxy for that matter. “You _still_ haven’t told John.” 

“No,” Dave groaned, picking at the bagel on his plate. “Whenever I try to I just—freeze.”

Roxy leaned on the table and put her chin on her hand, holding her fork loosely with the other. “What happened?”

“It was fine at the beginning but y’know, I’ve been like, really tense for a while and as oblivious as John is, I guess he started noticing. And then he asked about Rose and he mentioned you—and well, I have foot in mouth disease, so I said some stupid shit and ran away.”

Rose leaned back in her chair with her tea in her hand. “What did you say exactly?”

“I said ‘haha do we even know any straight people’ and ‘no one in my family is straight’.”

“And he _still_ hasn’t figured it out?” Dirk said, his eyebrows looked like they were about to disappear into his hair.

“You’re underestimating John’s obliviousness,” Rose rolled her eyes. “He really can ignore things if he thinks they are impossible.”

“What, Dave being bi is impossible?” Roxy asked.

“Well, to John Dave has always been straight, and I believe they used to make quite a lot of gay jokes. So, it's possible he thinks a drastic change such as this, in his eyes of course, can never happen.”

Dave stabbed another waffle with his fork, Rose winced, he really wasn’t taking this well. When they had first arrived on Earth-C, Dave had barely been able to come out to Roxy – he certainly hadn’t ready to come out to John. Then they had all gotten busy with Rose and Kanaya’s wedding. _Her wedding._ She still couldn’t believe—nope, Rose, not the time. Dave had said he didn’t want things to be awkward at the wedding, so he hadn’t told John then either. After that, he had said, it was just _weird_. John was basically the only one left who still didn’t know, Jade had accidentally walked in on him and Karkat making out apparently.

“That’s just stupid.” Dirk said. Rose shrugged.

“Yeah, whatever.” they all looked at Dave, he was frowning. “He’s coming over tonight, so uh, I guess I’ll try again. Maybe I’ll get Karkat’s help or something, I dunno.”

“Aww, good luck Dave! I’m sure John will be very supportive, he was when I came out to him!”

“Yeah, I was worried about him not taking it well at first, but— I guess he changed a lot too. So, I’m mostly concerned about him learning last these days. I don’t think he’s gonna be happy about that.”

“Oh,” Roxy said, biting her lip.

“If he gets mad at something as stupid as that I can punch him for you.”

Dave gave a bark of laughter. “Dude. Thanks, but you really don’t have to.”

“I also agree with Dirk,” Rose said, Roxy nodding along.

Her phone vibrated. She hoped it was Kanaya. Or that someone, preferably Vriska, had died so that she could escape from Dave’s coming out troubles.

She sympathized with him of course, but a girl could only listen to the same thing so many times before she got tired of it.

grimAuxiliatrix began pestering tentacleTherapist

GA: Hello Rose I Was Just Wondering How Your “Bi Monthly Strilonde Brunch” Was Going  
TT: Hello darling. Although, you know, you don’t have to put that in quotation marks every time.  
TT: And it has been going quite well actually.  
TT: Dave has finally found out about Roxy and her girlfriends; his reaction was incredibly enjoyable.  
GA: Oh Dear. What Did He Do When He Found Out He Was The Only One In The Dark   
TT: He called himself a redheaded stepchild and made one of his verbose rants.   
GA: But He Is Not Redheaded  
TT: Haha.  
TT: Sorry, I just imagined him with red hair. I’ll explain what he meant later if you want, but it’s not an important analogy.  
GA: Whatever You Say  
TT: Oh, and he’s still worried about coming out to John. At the risk of sounding callous, it has become quite the routine.  
TT: Hopefully he will manage to come out tonight. He’s been very nervous the last few weeks.  
TT: But please. Enough about Dave. Or any of my family.  
TT: How did your meeting with Karkat and Terezi go?  
GA: Oh It Was Alright As Usual  
GA: Terezi Told Us She And Vriska Have Decided To Try Quadrant Vacillation  
GA: Specifically Between Pale And Red  
GA: This Is Not A Surprise Of Course  
GA: Everyone Knew That It Would Eventually Happen   
GA: Karkat Said 'SO YOU TWO ACTUALLY MANAGED TO PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR WASTE CHUTES? FUCKING FINALLY'  
TT: Eloquent as always.   
TT: Please give Terezi my congratulations.  
GA: Of Course  
TT: Oh, I was wondering dear, do you think you will be late tonight?  
GA: No That Is Actually Why I Pestered You I’m Coming Early And I Was Thinking Of Cooking Tonight  
GA: Is There Anything You Particularly Wish To Eat  
TT: … anything without bugs would be great.   
GA: …  
GA: Of Course  
GA: Are You Coming Early Today  
TT: I might be late, actually.  
TT: There’s this beautiful woman I’ve been missing all day. So I was hoping to see her after brunch.  
GA: Oh?  
GA: Is This Beautiful Woman Anyone I’m Acquainted With  
TT: Why, Mrs. Maryam, I believe you know her quite well.   
GA: Would It be Terribly Bold Of Me To Say That This Beautiful Woman You Are Mentioning Is Me  
GA: I Am Quite Certain It Is Me   
GA: Although I Wanted To Be Sure  
TT: Of course, it’s you I’m mentioning my love, who else can match your beauty?  
GA: I Can Think Of Someone  
GA: …  
GA: It Is You  
TT: Why, thank you my dear, but we will have to agree to disagree on this case.  
GA: So This Means You Will Be Coming Home Early  
TT: Yes.  
GA: Wonderful

“Rosie!” Rose jumped at the sudden noise coming from Roxy, she looked up from her phone to see all her family members looking at her expectantly. Roxy was finally drinking something besides water, Dave was still eating what seemed like the last waffle and Dirk was looking at her with one brow raised, leaning back to the left on his chair to look her in the eye easily. He was still drinking coffee. If that man wasn’t a god, Rose was sure, he would have died of a heart attack from all the coffee drank on an hourly basis. Not daily, hourly.

“What?”

“We’ve been calling your name for the last 5 minutes.”

“Actually, it’s been 6 minutes 28 seconds 4—” Dave groaned. “Whatever, you get it.”

Roxy grinned. “Sooooo…”

TT: Oh my, I’m sorry Kanaya, it seems I’ve been ignoring my brunch mates for some time.   
TT: I should go.  
TT: I love you.  
GA: I Love You Too  
GA: Say Hello From Me  
TT: Of course.

“Kanaya says hi.” Rose said.

“Aww, hi Kanaya!”

“You look like you want to run home to your wife right this second, Rose. Wasn't the honeymoon enough?”

“Well, Dave, when someone is married to a woman as beautiful as my wife they too will want to run home as quickly as possible when she texts them.”

Roxy aww’ed, Dave rolled his eyes — again, she knew he did even though she couldn’t see him doing so. Dirk laughed and turned to Dave with a grin. “Speaking of marriage, what about you guys?”

“Oh my god, yes!”

“Oh yes, how could I forget, you and Karkat have been dating for – what? 6 years or so? Isn’t it time to pop the question, as they say, dear brother?”

Dave groaned, burying his face in his hands. Roxy snickered, a smug looking Dirk winked at them both.

“I mean, do I want to? Of course! Does he want to? Probably! How do people even propose? Do I have to propose to him in front of like, a hundred people? I can’t do that, he’d hate it! Also, how can I propose to him when I can’t even tell my best friend I’m dating Karkat. Oh god, what if I can never come out to John? Do we get married in secret? Do we act like it’s this weird bro thing? ‘Mr. Strider, do you accept this man to be your bro, for better or worse, till death do you apart?’ I can’t– John would be so jealous, can you imagine?”

“David. You are 21 years old, there’s no way we would let you do a ‘bro ceremony’.”

“Right. Right right right. Oh god, I have to come out to John, so I can marry Karkat.”

“Calm down,” said Dirk. “You don’t have to propose right even if you come out today.”

Roxy nodded. “You don’t even have a ring. No need to be so nervous.”

“Uh, actually.”

 _No way_ , Rose thought. She was sure she looked stupid, looking as shocked as she did. Roxy gasped and when Rose looked at her, she saw a smile on her face. Dirk was raising a brow and looking at Dave. Dave, now glaring at his lap, said nothing.

“You bought a ring,” Dirk said, completely deadpan. “Then why did you act like that was the first time you ever considered getting married?”

Dave groaned again. He really was doing that a lot today. “I’m just stressed as fuck.”

Her phone vibrated again. God, hopefully it was Kanaya again.

ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist

EB: hey rose!  
TT: Hello John. To what do I owe the pleasure?  
EB: can i ask you something?  
EB: oh wait.  
EB: are you guys at brunch right now?  
TT: Yes.  
EB: shit.  
EB: uh. sorry.  
TT: I assure you, you can still ask me anything you want.  
TT: I spent quite some time talking to Kanaya just now, at this point they are probably used to my wandering attention today.  
EB: haha  
EB: oh right!  
EB: how was the honeymoon? did you guys have fun?  
TT: It was great, we enjoyed ourselves and Kanaya learned how to swim.  
EB: hey that's great!  
TT: Thank you, it really was.  
TT: Now, I believe you wanted to ask me something.  
TT: And I don't think it was to ask how my honeymoon went.  
EB: um...so i kinda wanted to ask a question about dave but...  
EB: you know what never mind.  
TT: Oh? Come on John, you made me way too curious the leave right now.  
EB: i  
EB: it's kinda shitty of me to text you about it tho :/  
TT: Please. Now I'm even more intrigued.  
EB: ok  
EB: so um  
TT: ?  
EB: is dave like  
EB: gay  
TT: Oh dear.   
TT: What made you ask me this question?  
TT: And not our dear friend Dave?  
EB: um  
EB: look i know this is really really not ok  
EB: but i don’t know rose! he’s been acting so weird lately.  
EB: i don’t understand what’s going on he’s been really distant?  
EB: whenever we talk it’s like  
EB: he has this thing he needs to get off his chest.  
TT: What makes you think that?  
EB: i don’t know! but whenever we talk about karkat he just gets  
EB: weird?  
EB: i guess i just  
EB: i guess i just miss my best friend.  
TT: Look, John, I appreciate you texting me about your concerns regarding Dave but I really think this is a conversation you should have with him. And I'm sure he will tell you what he needs to tell you when he's ready. Sooner than you think, I hope.  
TT: Just.  
TT: Be patient with him. And don't get upset or angry. Not that I think you will, of course.  
EB: i  
EB: okay. yeah. thanks rose.  
TT: You are welcome John.  
EB: ...  
EB: hey rose?  
TT: Yes?  
EB: you know you are like  
EB: one of my best friends.  
EB: right?  
TT: Of course.  
TT: While I don't understand what brought this on, you are also one of my best friends. One of my first friends you might even say.  
EB: thanks! have a nice brunch.  
EB: and say hi to kanaya for me!  
TT: Sure. Thank you. I hope you'll have a nice time at Dave and Karkat's tonight.  
TT: Perhaps you should mention what you just said to me, if it seems like Dave is struggling too much.  
EB: haha thanks!  
EB: i uh... i might.  
TT: Talk to you later John.  
EB: bye!

“Well,” Rose said. Dave and the others were still talking about proposals and how _Dave shouldn’t be afraid, Karkat will absolutely say yes_. “We might have overestimated John’s obliviousness.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means he figured out something’s wrong and he’s worried about you, Dave. And I know you’re still nervous about coming out to him, but I think he’ll take it quite well.”

“Yeah well,” Dave crossed his arms together and leaned back on his seat. “It’s easy to say. Like, obviously I don’t think John will act like a huge dick—but it still stresses me out.”

“Can’t say Roxy and I understand how you really feel—”

“Considering we were the only two people left on earth—”

“Well, _I_ understand how he feels. I felt the same way coming out to our friends too, Dave.”

“Yeah,” A small smile was forming on Dave’s face. “I know. Thanks y’all.”

When her phone vibrated yet again she sighed.

carcinoGeneticist began pestering tentacleTherapist

CG: HEY  
CG: IS MY IDIOT BOYFRIEND STILL THERE?  
CG: HE’S NOT ANSWERING HIS PHONE.  
TT: Hello Karkat.  
TT: Yes, Dave is still here.  
CG: TELL HIM TO CHECK HIS FUCKING PHONE.  
TT: I’m not his messenger, you know.

“David, your boyfriend wants you to ‘check your fucking phone’.”

“Uh, what? Why didn’t he just text me?”

“Well, I don’t think he would be texting me if he hadn’t that already.”

“Right,” he looked up at Rose from his phone before turning back to it. Rose made eye contact with a grinning Roxy. She raised her brows, sometimes she had no idea what was going on in Roxy's mind. Next to her, Dirk cleared his throat, craning his neck around, most likely he was looking for a waiter.

Straightening on his chair and quickly stopping the waiter just walking by Dirk said, “Excuse me could a get a refill— “

“Oh no,” Roxy said quickly. “I think that’s enough coffee for him.”

Dirk turned to her so fast, Rose was afraid he would hurt his neck, “What.” he said, protesting.

Ignoring him Roxy smiled at the waiter, “Sorry for bothering you.”

The waiter gave a strained smile and quickly walked away from their table. Smart choice.

CG: THANKS.  
TT: You’re welcome.  
CG: KANAYA HASN’T STOPPED TALKING ABOUT YOUR ‘HONEYMOON’ SINCE SHE CAME BACK.  
TT: Yes, we had a great time. It isn’t unusual that she would mention it.  
CG: YEAH YEAH   
CG: I’M GLAD SHE’S HAPPY.  
TT: Thank you, so am I.   
TT: Well, goodbye, Karkat. Have fun tonight with John.  
CG: UGH   
CG: THIS IS SUCH BATSHIT BULGESCRATCHING BULLSHIT  
CG: IF THAT NOOKSCRATCHING SHITFUCKING FUCKMOUTH MANAGES TO UPSET DAVE TONIGHT I’M HANGING HIM FROM HIS RIDICULOUS HUMAN BALLS.  
TT: I’m sure he’ll be fine. But if he does upset Dave I would love to see that.  
CG: I’LL TAKE A FUCKING VIDEO.  
TT: Thank you. 

“Hey Dave, what time is it?”

“Why Dirk,” Roxy grinned. “Do you have somewhere you need to be?”

“No,” Dirk said, very suspiciously. “I was just wondering.”

Roxy hummed, and kept grinning. Dave finally decided to stop talking to his boyfriend because he smelled an opportunity to make of fun Dirk and locked his phone, raising a brow and expectantly looking at Dirk.

Everyone in their weird family could raise one eyebrow, it seemed. Rose wondered who actually had that ability first.

“It’s—wow it’s 3.30 already.”

Rose turned to Dirk, “Do you have somewhere to go Dirk?”

“Uh, yeah, actually.”

“Oh, do you have a hot date Dirk Jonathan Strider?”

“Jonathan— what?”

“It sounds better when you have three names,” Roxy shrugged, looking at an uncomfortable Dirk. Dirk, seeing he had no allies on this table and that everyone loved making things difficult for him, sighed.

“Okay, so, I might have a date.”

Roxy made a high pitched, exited noise, “Oh my god I knew it!”

“How could you have known it?” Dave asked.

“Um, because it was obvious? He started blushing when we asked him about Jake. And Jakey has been acting weird too, so.”

“Well, congratulations on your upcoming date Dirk. When is it exactly?”

“At like, 7? I’m not really sure what we’re going to do?”

“Sounds exciting,” Dave said, stretching his arms up. “So, uh, anyone else feeling like we outstayed our welcome here? I feel like every single waiter here is glaring at me.”

“You know what, yeah, actually.” Dirk said, as he looked around.

“Alright,” Roxy bounced up from her chair, drinking the last of her orange juice. “Same time same place, in two weeks?”

“I don’t understand why you keep asking that, the answer is always yes.”

Roxy shrugged at Rose, “Eh, I just like asking it.”

She went ahead and threw her arms around Dave and Dirk’s shoulders, both having to bow uncomfortably because Roxy was almost 10 inches shorter than them, and went to the register together. Rose walked behind them with a long-suffering smile and rolling her eyes.

 

* * *

 

Dave got home feeling like he was walking to his own funeral.

God. His hands were shaking. This is so fucking stupid, he thought, it’s just John. But well, it being John was the problem here. He hadn’t had such a huge problem coming out to Rose. Of course, she was a lesbian, so why would he be afrai—nervous. Why would he be nervous? Maybe Jade would have been hard to come out to but well. 

“Ugh, why am I so fucking nervous?”

“Did you say something?” Karkat yelled from the kitchen.

“I said ‘honey I’m home’.”

“Fuck off!”

“Aww babe, I missed you too.” He walked into the kitchen to see Karkat aggressively chopping peppers. He looked concentrated —his tongue sticking out from under his teeth just a little bit— he was so cute, what the fuck. Dave walked closer, making his footsteps heavier so that Karkat wouldn’t actually cut himself, and draped himself over Karkat’s back.

“Hey dude.”

“Hey,” Karkat said.

“Whatcha making?”

Karkat shrugged, as much as he could while Dave was hanging off from him. “Chicken stir fry? I don't know, I thought it would be easy.”

“Nice,” He kissed Karkat’s cheek before letting him go. “Anything I can do?”

“Yeah,” Karkat said. “Don’t touch anything and go the fuck upstairs to take a shower. I don’t want you in the kitchen when I’m actually trying to cook, it’s like you attract disasters or something.”

Dave snorted, he kissed Karkat shortly and then, because he was  _so, so weak,_  he kissed the tip of his nose, making Karkat scrunch it up like always. Dave  _loved_  the nose scrunch, Karkat looking disgruntled like an actual cat. The first time he had done it Karkat had blinked at him slowly with his brows furrowed, like he couldn't believe Dave had the audacity to do something like that when  _he_ was a troll, a member of a violent warrior species, and _Dave_ was a soft and squishy human. “Yeah, alright man.”

Karkat smiled and rolled his eyes, "Come on, Dave, just go."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." 

* * *

Dave didn’t remember a dinner that tenser than the one he just had. John had arrived, looking as excited and happy as always, and Dave had felt himself tense the second he saw him but had managed a strained smile. Karkat had noticed of course, so he had taken over most of the conversation while they ate, John answered back at him, but his gaze kept wandering to Dave, looking like he was trying to figure something out. Dave had tried to contribute of course, he knew John would only get more weirded out if he was silent, but as nervous as he was he’d just kept rambling from topic to topic, only stopping when Karkat lightly kicked at him under the table. When they were done Dave had jumped off his chair and sent them both to the living room to do the dishes on his own. John had protested at it but Karkat had pulled him out of the kitchen, insulting his gaming talents so that John would focus on something different. Dave had sent him a grateful look and a loop sided smile when Karkat had looked at him softly over John’s head before leaving the room.

And now, here they were. Karkat and John playing a game, Dave jiggling his foot, sitting next to Karkat. After frowning and looking at Dave over the corner of his eye a couple times, John sighed and stopped the game. Karkat made a protesting noise.

“Okay dude, there’s something going on own, and quite frankly, I’m tired of you acting like I’m going to attack you or something every time you see me.”

“Uh,” Dave gaped, looking at Karkat, who seemed as surprised as he did. “I—”

“Look, there’s obviously something you want to say, please just say it. Whatever it is, it’s ok.”

“Um,” said Dave and got up from the couch. John looked at him expectantly.

“I’m not really sure how to say this, actually.”

He started walking back and fort in front of the couch, Karkat watching both of them like a tennis match.

“Um, Dave—”

“Okay so,” he said, taking a deep breath and finally stopping right in front of the TV. He looked at John. John looked at him. “here’s the thing man. I have this really important thing to tell you and I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for like, a really long time, and to be honest I didn’t think you’d ever figure it out, but Rose said something about you not being that oblivious?”

“Wait, did Rose tell you what we talked about?” John asked, hurriedly.

“What? No. Anyway. I’ve actually mentioned something along the line of what I wanted to tell you a while back, like way back when we were in the game. But the last time we talked about it you said some stupid shit, so it made me way too nervous to tell you when we came here. And then there was the wedding and—fuck man I guess I just couldn’t say shit, y’know? Anyway, I’m, um, I’m dating Karkat. Wow. I never thought I’d actually say it.” He gave a relieved laugh, looking at John’s not-so-surprised face. Karkat’s attention was on John now, his eyes wide. “Like, dating dating. Like we’re in love dating. Like I brought a ring and I’m gonna marry this dude sometime soon dating—”

“Excuse me!” Karkat screeched. His head whipping over to where Dave was standing. “Marry— Ring— what? What the fuck?”

“Oh shit.” Dave said, flatly.

“Um.” John said, looking between the two of them.

“I— I mean,” Dave rubbed the back off his neck, looking at Karkat with wide eyes. Karkat looked at him without breathing. “uh, do you not want to?”

“Dave you brainless incredible cactusfuck, what the fuck was that?”

“Uh, guys,” John said, hesitantly. “Should I, uh, be here right now?”

They both yelled at the same time, “Shut up Egbert.”

“Damn, I just wanted to be sure.” John mumbled, not that they were listening to him.

“God,” Dave bit his lips and ran his hand through his hair. “This definitely wasn’t how I planned on doing this.”

“So you _did_ plan on doing this?”

“Uh, obviously dude? We’ve been together for years?”

“Well, how was _I_ supposed to know you wanted to get married? You never acted like you wanted to.”

“Babe, are you kidding? Of course, I wanted to get married, look at you, who wouldn’t want to marry you?”

Karkat blushed, his eyes starting to water. Shit. Dave had no idea what to do, so he just. Flailed around for a second before Karkat, glaring at him, crossed his arms

“So?”

“Soo— “

“Are you _actually_ going to propose or not?

“Oh, shit, yeah! Holy fuck, hold on a sec.”

He fucking flew upstairs to their room, as he opened the door his hands were shaking, a smile he couldn’t stop spreading over his face. He went to the closet on the left side of the door, their room was neat always, Karkat’s work. He opened the bottom drawer, digging through all his scarfs and hats — so what if had a ton of them? he got cold really easily— looking for the little box he hid. Yeah, hiding it in a drawer wasn’t the most creative, but it wasn’t like Karkat _used_ scarfs, or even opened this drawer. His hand finally hit something, and he took it out, with a purple scarf Rose knit wrapped around the box. Stuffing the scarf back in the drawer, he flew down the stairs again and found Karkat almost exactly the same way he left him, arms crossed, wiping tears from his eyes with his sleeves. John was awkwardly sitting on the couch, looking at Karkat and biting his lips, when he saw Dave hurrying downstairs he let out a breath and leaned back on the couch.

“Um, so, I don’t really know what to say to be honest. What do people say when they’re proposing—I mean we watched enough rom coms, so I know the basics or whatever but nothing that really fits us, y’know.”

He took a deep breath and fell down on one knee.

“Okay. Karkat. I—all my childhood I thought I would end up alone. Actually, I didn’t even think I’d end up living longer then like 17 or something. Anyway, uh, you know that. But then I met you, and yeah, I thought you were this ridiculous shouty asshole at first but then you became my best friend and— I just. I love you, shouty asshole and all, and I want to spend the rest of our basically infinite lives together, not that we have to get married for that, but, uh, yeah— “

“God, shut up before you hurt yourself.” Karkat said, sniffling, his eyes were basically red waterfalls by now. Dave had no idea how he managed to make his boyfriend cry with a proposal that wasn’t romantic in any shape or form. “I can’t believe you called me shouty asshole when you’re trying to propose.”

Dave laughed, “Does that mean no?”

“Of course not, you emotionally stunted asshole.” he said and pulled Dave up to kiss him, it was a pretty salty kiss, not that _Dave_ was crying or anything. Okay, he was totally crying, it wasn’t everyday the love of your life accepted your incredibly shitty proposal. Dave smiled and put the ring on Karkat’s finger. Karkat smiled brightly back at him, still looking pink. God, Dave loved him so much.

“Aww, you guys, that was cute.”

“Uh,” Dave said, wiping his eyes and turning to John. “Thanks.”

“And Dave, I’m really sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come out to me, I know I said some pretty shitty things when we were like 13. But this is great! Two of my best bros are dating.” he paused before saying excitedly, “Engaged! I can’t believe you accidentally proposed when you were trying to come out dude!”

“God, I know. I was planning to do something romantic, a restaurant, some candles, maybe violins and wine or some shit—”

John started laughing, Karkat joining him not a second later. He was shaking with laughter, Dave pouted at him and hugged him from behind, hooking his chin on Karkat’s shoulder. “Come on, it’s not that funny.”

“It _is_ that funny.” Said John and Karkat, at the same time.

Dave sighed. Whatever, he'd finally managed both coming out and proposing. 

turntechGodhead [TG] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board Strilonde family adventures

TG: guys you won’t fucking believe what just happened  
TG: i’ve lived through it and i still cant believe it  
TG: maybe it never happened  
TG: maybe i slipped in the shower and had this crazy dream when i hit and cracked my skull and im about to wake up any second in a pool of blood and water and die again when i try to get up and start this whole thing all over again

timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo

TT: What happened exactly?  
TG: man it was insane   
TG: that was some irl fucking foreshadowing today dirk  
TG: its all your fault

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo

TG: lol what did dirk do this time  
TT: I’m not sure.

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo

TT: Please Dave, do clarify.  
TG: alright so  
TG: first of all i came out to john  
TG: and he wasnt an asshole  
TG: omg!! congrats daveyy!!!  
TT: Congratulations.  
TT: Wonderful. I'm glad Karkat won't need to take that video now.  
TT: Congratulations.  
TT: What video?  
TT: It's not important anymore.  
TG: yeah well thanks but thats not all  
TG: ohh what else happened  
TG: uh  
TG: i kinda accidentally proposed  
TT: Excuse me? You what?  
TT: How does one accidentally propose?  
TG: wait what did karkat say??  
TG: he said yes right  
TG: ahhh i cant believe this  
TG: i told john i was dating karkat and that i had a ring and shit  
TG: and karkat was right there  
TT: ...Dave.  
TG: he was like really shocked   
TT: Was he? I wonder why.  
TG: funny dirk  
TG: anyway he said yes of course  
TT: You mean like how we said he would, multiple times today?  
TG: yea we said it like 50 times davey  
TG: john and i got to have the actual coming out talk after i gave karkat the ring  
TG: he took it well  
TG: better than i expected   
TG: lmao that’s hilarious  
TG: and kinda cute  
TG: but congrats again!!  
TT: Oh, yes, congratulations Dave.  
TT: Yeah, congratulations bro.   
TG: thanks guys  
TG: i still cant believe tonight actually happened  
TG: ooohh wait i have to know  
TG: did he cryy  
TT: This is Karkat we’re talking about.  
TG: lol tru  
TG: hes an emotional boy  
TG: in this house we stan emotional gays  
TG: hey how did ur date go dirky *smirks*  
TT: Is this really the time to talk about my date?  
TT: Is there any better time?  
TG: yeah dirk tell us about your date  
TT: It was...fine.  
TG: lol thats dirk speech for great  
TT: What did you do?  
TT: There was this open air movie theater...thing? We watched some kind of action/romance movie.   
TG: nice  
TT: Oh my, Dave Strider, calling romance movies "nice". If someone had told this to 12 year old me I would have never believed it.  
TG: shut up rose  
TG: lmao  
TG: that sounds rly fun   
TT: Yeah, it was actually.  
TT: I'm glad you had a fun date Dirk.  
TT: Thanks.  
TG: anyway yall im gonna go spend some time with my fiance  
TG: awww have fun davey! tell kk congrats  
TT: Please tell him congratulation from Kanaya and me as well, though I'm sure he already told her.  
TT: Bye Dave, say congratulations from me too.  
TG: he says thanks  
TG: see you guys later

**Author's Note:**

> god writing dave is so hard. 
> 
> i used to have no idea what ppl meant when they said "i didnt mean to write this it just happened". now i understand. i never meant to write the rosemary pesterlog it just happened...... kanaya possessed me.
> 
> thanks for reading! i hoped u liked it. leave a comment maybe : )
> 
> also i couldnt not put 'did you fuck my mom santa' here lol


End file.
